#2 - There is no medal

... not even an Oscar

You know those Oscar speeches where the winner pauses their thank yous, looks down as the audience holds their breath, looks up with tears running down their cheeks, and thanks their mother? “And to my mom, thank you. Everything I’ve achieved is because of you. You sacrificed everything to allow me to achieve my dream. I love you, mama. Thank you.” The audience roars and the camera pans to a woman in her sixties, hair sprayed into a strange bouffant, eye makeup somehow staying put even with her face scrumpled into a crying smile, her hands clasped in front of her heart.

That’s the dream, isn’t it?

But guess what? It’s not coming.

There’s no Oscar speech coming. (I’ve seen my kids’ acting, so I’m pretty sure of this for me, but best of luck to you.) And there’s probably not even a medal.

Next to the Oscars speech (I’d take a Best Sound Mixing one, ok?), my dream is that, once my boys have flown the coop, they text me at least every few days, confide in me about their lives, live somewhat close, get excited to spend the holidays together, and love having me around the grandkids. That’s my dream. I hope I am setting the stage for that to happen. But, as we know, there are no guarantees in life.

There are no guarantees they will know what I’ve done for them, what I’ve given up, let alone thank me by wanting me in their lives. There is no medal at the end of parenthood saying “Congratulations! Your sacrifices were worth it!”

Will they remember me picking up the pieces when no one else would, or will they remember me so stressed because I’m picking up all the pieces? Will they remember me bending over backwards to remember every detail that needs to happen to make their lives run smoothly, or will they remember my short fuse because of all I have to remember? There are no guarantees how my boys will remember me. They’ll know I loved them and tried my best, they will. But I also think they’ll partially remember me being tired, sick, and exhausted much of the time but never know why.

So what do we do? We dig deep. We dig deep inside of ourselves to find our own medal.